When MS Contributes to Letting Others Down
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A number of years ago, I had the honor of being named MS Can Do Person of the Year by what was then the Jimmie Heuga Foundation (now Can Do Multiple Sclerosis). It was a great honor, and I believe many of us try to live our lives with this multiple sclerosis (MS) focusing on what we can do rather than what has become difficult or impossible. I know that I give it my best.
But there are still days — more of them of late — when I cannot … and it bothers me.
MS Symptoms Curtail My Ability to Perform
Pain and mobility issues are keeping me from getting the dogs (and myself) out for our regular walks. Although my wife, Caryn, has picked up some of the slack, I very much miss my time out with the pack as well as the exercise that keeping up with two middle-aged wheaten terriers affords.
Speaking of Caryn, the difficult days can heap responsibilities formerly in my remit onto her to-do list, and that makes me feel bad as well. From trips to the shops to cleaning up after the dogs and laundry and, and, and … it can often feel like the things I’m not doing exceed the number of things that I am.
I felt my ability to keep up with work colleagues acutely in the months after my diagnosis in 2001. I relied more and more on my assistant and then on fellow managers. They were all more than willing to pitch in, but it quickly got to the point where I was letting down not only my coworkers but also my clients, my company, and even myself.
I Want to Pitch In Because I Know It’s Important
I pitch in to community activities and MS-related service organizations that are used to running on volunteer energy, which can be sporadic at best. It pains me to fall short of goals and intentions when I know how important the work of these groups can be to so many people. But we care because it matters, and it matters because we care.
For many of us, it’s one thing to fall short of our own personal goals. We can cope with not being able to do something for ourselves, as long as we give it the old college try and miss the mark.
It’s something altogether different, and somehow more important, when we say we’ll do something with or for someone else and we come up short on expectations.
It’s all part of the learning process we must go through (and often go through again and again, over and over in this life with MS).
Setting Goals, Then Resetting Them
We learn the lessons and we set new goals. It’s part of life. But when even these new goals become out of our range, it can bring us down. As painful as it can be — and I am going through the difficult process at the moment — we might be better able to serve ourselves and others if we unplug some of our cords and focus energies on fewer things.
In the long run, we will be of more use to fewer, but at least we’ll still be of some use.
This can be particularly difficult, as some of those leads we’ve kept plugged in are connections to the lives we lived before, the people with whom we interacted, and the ways we formerly defined successes (if not how we identified ourselves … but that’s another conversation altogether).
Cutting Back Is the Only Way Forward
What I’ve come to realize, as I’ve had to reduce my web of activities and connections down to a few threads, is that the only way I let others down is if I’ve overcommitted, and in the final analysis of a thing, it’s myself I’ve let down by overcommitting in the first place.
So once again I will reassess my abilities and my obligations, I will reorganize, and I will reduce. It’s the only way for me to live my best life with multiple sclerosis. Best for me, and the best my life can be for others as well.
Wishing you and your family the best of health.
Cheers,
Trevis
My new book, Living Well With Multiple Sclerosis, is now available. Follow me on the Life With MS Facebook page, and read more on Life With Multiple Sclerosis.
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