Feeling ‘Less Than’ With MS
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Well, you’ve made it through another busy holiday season. But is it really something to “make it through”? It can feel that way, but on the plus side, there are lessons in our previous failings that can get us through future struggles.
We ended our first year of The Unspeakable Bits webcast for MS Ireland with a really good discussion we titled “Christmas on the Island of Misfit Toys.” We took the theme from characters in the old Rankin and Bass stop-motion animation of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, in which all the odd and unloved toys are sent to an island of their own.
Not that we are unloved, necessarily. But it can feel sometimes like we’re living a separate, if perhaps parallel, life to the one before multiple sclerosis (MS), or that we’re somehow on the damaged-goods discount table during the festive time of year.
Big Events Require More Preparation
What struck me about the conversation with the two professionals on the webcast, as well as two women who also live with MS, was how well many of us have adapted to the everyday MS stuff, perhaps without even knowing it. But when the big stuff comes along, it requires a bit of preparation.
Just like my old days in restaurant kitchens: If you didn’t do the prep, you were screwed for service. In fact, it seemed that if you were short on only one item in your mise en place, that was the thing everyone was going to order that night.
MS has plenty of surprises up its sleeves for us, and it’s difficult (and perhaps unproductive) to try to prepare for all of the possibilities. To have a few fallback positions or alternative plans in our heads — I call these the “then I woulds” — we can get on with our lives with MS in a profusion of situations.
When it comes to the big social stuff, however — think weddings, large gatherings, important meetings, festive holidays, etc. — some added effort in aforethought is advisable.
Learning From What Did and Didn’t Work
Knowing where we have fallen short of our own expectations on previous occasions can be the first step in planning for a more successful endeavor the next time. It’s one of the reasons my wife, Caryn, and I have a postmortem of events soon after they finish.
Spending a few minutes sitting in bed or in front of the fire with a glass of something and chatting about what went well and what didn’t has been invaluable in helping me (and us) to prepare better for whatever the next thing is.
As it is with most difficult conversations, it’s important to enter into such conversations kindly and without judgment. Easier said than done at the beginning, but you’ll find your way.
One Lesson Often Applies to Other Situations
Like many of the specific lessons I’ve learned during these past decades of living with a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis, what strikes me as most important has been the ability to generalize the lessons. That’s to say, learning how to transpose the lesson from one part of my MS life to another.
In the case of our pre-Christmas webcast, it’s easy to see lessons one could use for the entire year, not just at the holidays. What worked for the run-up to the most wonderful time of the year (and what did not) can be applied to most every major “next” in the new year.
So here’s to learning the lessons of our past and to whatever might be next for you and yours.
Wishing you and your family the best of health.
Cheers,
Trevis
My new book, Living Well With Multiple Sclerosis, is available on Amazon. Follow me on the Life With MS Facebook page, and read more on Life With Multiple Sclerosis.
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