How Do You Cope When You Witness Violence and Trauma — Even From Afar?
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Last Saturday, the world woke to news that Hamas, the Palestinian militant group that controls the Gaza Strip, had launched a surprise attack on Israel — its largest in decades.
The group, designated by the U.S. Department of State as a terrorist organization, invaded by air, land, and sea, targeting a music festival close to the border with thousands of young Israelis in attendance. They also attacked more than 20 towns and army bases in southern Israel, killing hundreds in the streets and in their homes, and kidnapping approximately 150 others, bringing them across the border into Gaza. Thousands of rockets were launched as far as Tel Aviv and Jerusalem, sending people into hiding and forcing others to flee.
Israel quickly retaliated with large-scale strikes on Gazan cities, as Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu declared: “We are at war and we will win it.”
Graphic images of dead bodies and videos of destruction in both Israel and Gaza soon flooded social media; children and the elderly have been among the victims.
While many in the United States are directly affected because they have friends or relatives in these areas, anyone watching events play out in media outlets or on social media may experience intense emotions when they consider the human toll and imagine what is to come.
Simply witnessing violent events virtually can be disturbing enough to lead to distressing thoughts, feelings, and even physical symptoms, including headaches and stomachaches.
But we humans are incredibly resilient and have the capacity to work through the stress elicited by these experiences. And we are not helpless. Though there are many variables that are out of our individual control, there are steps we can take, both individually and collectively, to cope.
Here are some ways you can help yourself process the stress and trauma and improve your ability to function.
Know That You Experienced Something Real
Watching traumatic events unfold directly or indirectly (on TV) gets processed by the brain in the same way. It’s important to note that sometimes the signs of distress occur immediately, and sometimes they can be delayed — even by years. Signs of response to trauma include sustained sadness, anxiety, depressed moods, impaired function in daily life, poor appetite, weight loss or gain, and sustained feelings of hopelessness or helplessness.
RELATED: What Is PTSD? Symptoms, Causes, Diagnosis, and Treatment
Unplug When You Need To
It’s important to not overconsume the images. Watching these events repeatedly on television, or following every twist and turn on social media, will just reignite the trauma.
Don’t Suppress or Deny Your Feelings
You may feel like the best way to get through your daily life is to suppress your emotional reactions to what you’re seeing on TV and social media. First give yourself permission to experience all that you are feeling. These feelings are your own, and they are valid, so give yourself the grace and space to deal with them. Are you angry, afraid, anxious, sad, or frustrated? Acknowledging and identifying these feelings can help you begin to address them.
When It Comes to Coping, Find What Works Best for You
I often say we are all in the same storm, but we’re not in the same boat. Different people have different lived experiences, different vantage points, and different needs. There is no one right way to cope, and no one way to work through the anger, stress, and trauma. Use your usual coping skills: Meditate, pray, exercise, connect with and spend time with a loved one, or take extra “me time.” Contributing financially to organizations you believe in may also help you feel less powerless.
Skip the Urge to Self-Medicate
While it may be tempting, this is not the time to have an extra glass of wine or use food, drugs, or tobacco to manage your emotions. Relying on these things can leave you with other problems when this crisis passes.
Make Sure You’re Accurately Informed
Make sure you are getting accurate, factual information about new developments and events from reputable sources. It can be especially important to vet what you see on social media, since misinformation and disinformation spread so easily on these platforms. Getting bogged down by rumors will needlessly add to your anxiety.
Stick to Your Routine
Following an established routine can make things feel more normal and calming, whether that’s having dinner at the same time, watching your favorite TV show, or going for a walk with a friend. It allows us to control what we can.
Words Matter
When describing traumatic or disturbing events, using accurate and appropriate words is key. Truth telling, transparency, and trust building allow informed dialogue — dialogue that respects the moment.
While the Israeli-Palestinian conflict has a long and complicated history, what happened on Saturday was a terrorist attack that shocked citizens on both sides.
Ask for Help
There’s no shame in acknowledging you need help. You can start with a trusted friend or your faith leader. But don’t delay if you think you may need professional help. Therapists, counselors, psychologists, and psychiatrists are all trained to help, especially in these difficult times.
Allow Children to Talk About Their Feelings, and Help Them to Process Events
It’s not uncommon for a child to become fearful, distressed, or confused after witnessing a traumatic event or seeing adults processing these events. The good news is that children are emotionally resilient. In the meantime, here’s how you can help them deal with the trauma.
- Take their concerns seriously. Your child’s fears may be unrealistic, but they are real to them. It’s important to listen and respond without mockery in an open, honest, and supportive manner. Remember to use age appropriate language. Be in tune with your child’s unique needs. Daily check-ins to discuss thoughts and feelings, and talking about stress, can be helpful.
- Don’t make assumptions. Instead of saying “I know you’re angry or frightened,” let them tell you what they’re feeling. It allows them to be honest about their emotions instead of trying to meet your expectations.
- Explain the reality. As adults, we understand that news outlets will continue to show unsettling images. Explain that the traumatic event is not close to home, and find something more age appropriate for them to watch. I lean on one of my many favorite quotes from Mr. Rogers: “Look for the helpers.” There are people who are working on the situation.
- Don’t pathologize normal reactions. Like adults, it’s normal for children to experience negative emotions during a traumatic event, so don’t overreact and possibly exacerbate their negative experiences. If the feelings persist, however, consider professional help.
If you or a loved one is experiencing emotional distress around the Israel-Hamas war, try the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s Disaster Distress Helpline, where crisis counselors are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week: 1-800-985-5990.
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