How to Reduce Shame and Stigma When You Have an STD
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If you have a sexually transmitted disease (STD) in the United States, you are not alone.
In fact, the country currently has been undergoing an epidemic of STDs (also called sexually transmitted infections or STIs), according to a 2023 report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). That analysis estimates that STDs surged by 7 percent between 2017 and 2021, jumping from 2.37 million cases to 2.53 million in four years, and the data suggests that the spread of these diseases shows “no signs of slowing.”
CDC scientists note particularly jarring increases in syphilis and congenital syphilis (when a baby is born with the disease) between 2020 and 2021, when cases skyrocketed by 32 percent. During that year span, chlamydia and gonorrhea infections also climbed by about 4 to 5 percent.
RELATED: STDs Rise Sharply Among Older Americans
While STI rates have been increasing among both men and women, the CDC warns that women disproportionately bear the long-term consequences from these infections. In some cases, they can cause infertility. A woman’s anatomy is more vulnerable to bacteria and viruses compared with a man’s anatomy, and women are also less likely to have symptoms, so STIs can go unrecognized and untreated for a longer time.
RELATED: Common Types of Vaginal Infections
Less Emphasis on STI Awareness as Cases Surge
The CDC suggests that the high rate of STIs may be a result of the national declaration ending COVID-19 as a public health emergency, issued on May 11, 2023. Testings, screenings, and treatments dropped off during the pandemic, so many of these infections may have gone undetected and spread. As people have returned to health facilities for care, more STIs have been reported.
Another factor, according to the CDC, is that public health resources for policies like STI contact tracing and education programs were diverted to fighting the spread of COVID-19. That may have led to a drop in awareness and knowledge, which could be contributing to the rise in cases.
“The subject is very stigmatized — has a lot of shame around it,” said Sophie Miller, who shared her diagnosis of herpes in a posting on TikTok in the fall of 2023.
Within a few weeks, the 21-year-old’s candid post gained more than 10 million views — a clear sign that people are concerned about STIs and seek a place where they can have an open discussion about the subject, get support, and gain a better understanding of the implications of getting an infection. Viewers voiced confusion about what an STD really means for their own health and their partner’s health.
RELATED: STDs, Stigma, and Mental Health in LGBTQ+ Youth: What’s the Connection?
Research has found that people tend to underestimate their risk of getting an STI, and both patients and healthcare providers can be reluctant to bring up the topic during routine checkups. But ignorance combined with silence is a recipe for increasing the spread of STIs.
Overcome Stigma by Learning the Facts
“People [diagnosed with an STD] feel ashamed that they are somehow damaged and that no one will want them in the future,” says Lindsay Henderson, PsyD, a psychologist in Pittsford, New York. Studies have found that fear of stigma keeps people from reaching out for testing or treatment.
RELATED: Few Sexually Active Teens Are Getting Tested for Sexually Transmitted Diseases
By learning about STDs and how manageable they usually are, you can help those feelings of shame and anxiety fade, says Dr. Henderson.
First, know that having an STD says nothing about you as a person. Anyone who has sex can get a STD. It doesn’t matter how old you are or what your sexual identity or orientation are. Economic status, level of education, one partner or many — everybody can potentially get STDs.
Second, remember that few STDs are life-threatening. “With proper treatment, [most STDs have] very few health impacts. People can get to view having an STD as an inconvenience that they can deal with appropriately and responsibly,” Henderson says.
You can have a good life despite having an STD. Most STDs are treatable, according to the World Health Organization, and some (including syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and trichomoniasis) are curable. STDs that don’t yet have a cure, including hepatitis B, herpes simplex virus, HIV, and human papillomavirus, can still be manageable with proper care.
RELATED: Living Well With HPV: 5 Steps for Safer Sex
To learn more facts about the various types of STDs, consult these sources:
Seek Medical Attention to Take Control of Your Health
If you’re concerned that you might have a sexually transmitted infection, see a healthcare provider. Don’t just rely on information you find online.
“The internet can provide general resources, but a doctor will be able to discuss what is going on with you specifically and also be empathetic,” says Henderson. “A medical professional can help you see that you’re not a bad person. It’s not a life sentence.”
A healthcare provider can also tell you:
- What treatment options are available to you
- How to reduce the risk of transmitting the infection to other people
- How best to avoid getting additional STDs or getting reinfected with a curable STD you’ve already had
If you’re not comfortable speaking to your primary care healthcare provider or don’t currently have one, look for an STD or sexual health clinic in your area for diagnosis, treatment, and advice about protecting your sexual health in the future.
Planned Parenthood is a good source for testing and treatment. By entering your ZIP code into the search tool on the organization’s website, you can find a health center near you that offers these services. The CDC has a similar tool.
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In addition, the CDC has screening recommendations according to gender and sexual preferences.
For those reluctant to visit a health center, at-home testing is available for many of the most common infections.
Your Partners Need to Know About STDs, Quickly
You’ve gotten over shaming yourself, right? That’s important, because if stigma keeps you from talking to your partners, you’re putting others at risk.
In a study published in 2023 involving more than 1,800 young people, researchers explored the difficulties that those infected have with notifying their partners. “People would not want to tell [their partner] for a fear of rejection or being embarrassed,” said one 20-year-old man in an interview.
“It’s kind of hard to tell your partner even if it’s not HIV,” said a 20-year-old woman, adding that notifying a partner can be a “deal breaker” and end a relationship.
Partner notification is essential to containing the spread of STIs so that sexually active people get the testing and treatment they need to stay healthy.
RELATED: Sexual Health Resources
While notifying a partner can be difficult, these tips can help:
Be matter-of-fact. Once you have the facts about your STD diagnosis and feel in control yourself, it’s time to tell your partner or partners. “You want to appear calm and confident, not ashamed or traumatized,” says Henderson. Your composure can help the other person or people handle the news more calmly.
Consider scheduling a healthcare appointment with your partner. If you have a committed partner, you want to convey the idea that the STD is something you can deal with together, Henderson says. In such situations, going to see a healthcare provider together to get all your questions answered may make sense.
If your partner refuses to seek medical attention, though, you may be able to bring them the correct medication. This is called expedited partner therapy, and the CDC supports it as an option for cases of chlamydia and gonorrhea. Check whether your state allows it.
Try to speak face-to-face. If you’re close to this person, talk in person, not by digital means. “No text messages, emails, or singing telegrams,” advises Jenelle Marie Pierce, the executive director of the STD Project.
Even if you are not close with your partners, try to talk in person. You can help them process the difficult information, rather than leaving them alone with it.
But the main thing is to tell your sexual partners. You can opt to use anonymous services that will let your partners know they need to be tested and possibly treated, according to the CDC. Companies that perform STD testing may also provide this service.
Advice for Talking With a Longtime or New Partner
If you’re in a relationship, hearing you have an STD may make you doubt your partner’s faithfulness, but before assuming the worst, remember that STDs don’t always show up quickly. You or your partner may have become infected before you got together, without realizing it.
The following guidance from the Nemours Foundation can help you talk with either a longtime partner or a new one:
Put yourself in the other person’s place. What would you want somebody else to do and say if they were sharing their STD diagnosis with you?
Take the direct, honest, open approach. Say which STD you have and how you caught it, if you know. Being willing to talk and answer questions can help put your partner at ease.
Give the conversation time and space to flow naturally. Listen carefully instead of talking constantly. Your partner may be shocked or panicky or have lots of questions. Or they may just want to think over the news.
Don’t pressure a longtime partner to make instant decisions about sex or your relationship. You may want acceptance and reassurance after broaching such a difficult topic, but your partner may need breathing room. Be prepared to say something like, “I realize you probably want to think all this over,” then give them space to do so.
Be open to questions. As best as possible, provide your partner with facts about the illness. But if you are not able to answer all of their questions, suggest that they see a healthcare provider — not just search online — to learn more.
Even when you follow all of these steps, conversations about STDs may not always go the way you hope. You can’t control how others think or feel.
Regardless of the outcome with any one person, take pride in being honest about STDs. According to Henderson, “By having [these conversations], you are one of the strong people. You are truly making a difference in the conversation [about combating] stigma.”
Additional reporting by Milly Dawson.
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