Is ‘Therapyspeak’ Ruining Your Relationships?

Using clinical words and phrases in an incorrect way can be harmful even when it’s not done intentionally. Dr. Tausig emphasizes that having success in your own therapy sessions doesn’t mean you are qualified to label behaviors or diagnose others.

Therapyspeak gets weaponized when it’s used to manipulate a person or situation or to shut down an argument without addressing the core issues. Misinterpretation of therapeutic concepts, adds Taylor, can lead to miscommunication, which can lead to distance in a relationship.

It’s Used to Avoid

If you’re using the phrase triggered to stop engaging in a conversation that’s uncomfortable or to avoid uncomfortable feelings, you could be stopping yourself from addressing a conflict in a more productive way.

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It’s Used to Distract or Invalidate

Ross explains that attributing a behavior to someone or categorizing behavior using a therapy term can be a way to distract from the real issue and invalidate the other person’s position or experience.

Take the term “gaslighting.”

When someone says “you’re gaslighting me,” then the conversation becomes about gaslighting and arguing about whether or not it’s occurring rather than how a specific action or behavior made the person feel and what they need moving forward. “It’s a way to avoid being vulnerable,” says Ross.

Instead, she advises talking about the specific incident or behavior and how it made you feel.

It’s Used Incorrectly

Both Ross and Taylor pointed to narcissism as another term that’s often used incorrectly without understanding the nuances of narcissistic personality disorder.

Ross says weaponizing the term narcissism could sound like: “How could you be late over and over again; that’s your narcissism.”

The example Ross gives creates issues because the person is using narcissism to describe someone’s behavior, which is likely to put them on guard and get defensive. Using the label also makes a larger character judgment about the other person, which may or may not be warranted. Instead, she recommends talking in a way that invites them to join a conversation by telling them how their actions made you feel.

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