Parenting With Multiple Sclerosis: Tips for Success

Parenting can be exhausting — physically, mentally, and emotionally — for anyone. When you’re also managing a chronic condition like multiple sclerosis (MS), raising children can be even harder.

MS is one of the most common neurological conditions among young adults, affecting almost one million people in the United States. What’s more, MS is three times more common in people assigned female at birth than male, according to the National Multiple Sclerosis Society.

Although MS can develop at any age, it most commonly starts between ages 20 and 40, according to Penn Medicine. This means many Millennial women (born between 1981 and 1996) are currently dealing with MS in the thick of their parenting years.

If you were recently diagnosed with MS and are wondering how to manage it as a parent, you’re not alone. Here, fellow moms share their experiences and best tips for parenting with MS.

Parenting Challenges for Moms With MS

LeQuanna Brown was diagnosed with relapsing-remitting MS in 2001, four months after giving birth to her first child. “My ability to be a parent has been compromised, living with MS,” says the 42-year-old, who had a second child 10 years ago. “Some days, I can’t physically get myself out of bed to do daily chores like cooking and cleaning, which can be depressing.”

Debilitating fatigue is the most common symptom of MS, says Barbara Giesser, MD, a neurologist and MS specialist at Pacific Neuroscience Institute at Providence Saint John’s Health Center in Santa Monica, California. “It can affect a range of your cognitive and physical abilities.”

While many mothers struggle with feeling foggy and forgetful (often called “mom brain”), this feeling can be exacerbated by MS, which is linked to poor sleep and mental fog, notes Dr. Giesser.

Problems with mobility, such as balance and walking, can also make everyday parenting tasks harder. “MS has impacted my ability to walk and use one of my arms and hands,” says Verena Frydberg, 42, who was diagnosed with secondary progressive MS in 2001 and has two teenagers. “It has made doing simple things like the dishes more difficult.”

For many moms with MS, the unpredictability of the disease makes it all the more stressful, because symptoms can come and go without rhyme or reason. “Somebody [with MS] may be having a bad day, where their fatigue or brain fog is worse, and it goes away by the next day. But, it makes that particular day challenging,” says Giesser.

11 Parenting Tips for Moms With MS

If you’re a mom living with MS, these techniques may help make your life a little easier. Try these mom-approved tips:

1. Prep meals in advance. “Try to prepare as much as you can ahead of time,” Frydberg suggests. “Trying to rush and do things last minute can be impossible and add unnecessary stress.” Consider packing school lunches the night before or fixing dinner in the afternoon, if that’s when you have the most energy.
2. Give yourself extra time. Fatigue can slow you down. Whenever possible, allow extra time to complete tasks, so you don’t end up feeling even more tired and overwhelmed.
3. Prioritize your to-do list. There may be days when your fatigue makes it difficult to get things done. Think about what’s most crucial to complete, and enlist help from others for the rest. Try not to be hard on yourself. “You have to find peace with what you’re able to get done,” says Brown.
4. Conserve your energy. Giesser suggests working with a physical therapist (PT) or occupational therapist (OT) to learn energy conservation techniques. This may include holding off on tasks like laundry or cleaning until you feel the most energetic, whether that’s in the morning or afternoon. A PT or OT can also help if you’re having problems with mobility or everyday tasks.
5. Prioritize doctor’s appointments. Arrange for a family member, friend, or paid help to take care of the kids when you have an appointment with your neurologist. “I plan things like doctor’s appointments and dentist appointments on days when I know I’ll have someone to help me,” Frydberg says.
6. Use grocery delivery services. These days, it’s easy to do your grocery shopping online. You can have a family member pick up the groceries at the store or, in many cases, have it delivered right to your door, so you don’t have to waste energy shopping in person.
7. Keep easy meals on hand. “I keep easy-to-prepare foods around for when I’m too tired to make every meal: pasta, jarred sauce, boxed macaroni and cheese, and frozen foods,” Frydberg says. If you have a partner, or your kids are old enough, ask them to pitch in with the cooking, too.
8. Take time for yourself. Moms everywhere struggle to find “me time,” but it’s important to take a break sometimes — even if it’s just 10 minutes where you can close your eyes and listen to relaxing music.
9. Get help with transportation. Try to organize your kids’ schedules so you’re not constantly on the hook as their chauffeur. “Things like the school bus and carpools are essential,” Frydberg says. “My kids’ friends’ parents have been very helpful with driving. It’s good to have a few people who are willing to help out.”
10.  Make pitching in a part of your family’s lifestyle. “My kids help me prepare meals, and the rest of my family is a big help and has been for 23 years,” says Brown. Frydberg has her kids do set chores. “If they know what they have to do and expect it, it’s easier to get them to do it,” she says.
11.  Talk to your doctor about your fatigue. “Your neurologist can make sure that there isn’t another condition causing your fatigue, like anemia, hypothyroidism, or a medication you’re taking,” Giesser says. They can also address any issues you’re having with sleep that may be making your fatigue worse.