Causes, Types, Stages, How to Cope With It, and When to Get Help

First of all, it’s important to remember that grief is not a “problem” that must be handled or dealt with — especially not in the early weeks or months following a loss.

“Grief is an emotionally rich event that allows us to appreciate what we’ve lost while also preparing us to adapt to that loss,” says Cholbi. “Even the most arduous grief episodes are healthy or fitting responses to the losses that cause them.”

Other experts express similar sentiments.

“Grief is all about time,” says George Bonanno, PhD, a professor of clinical psychology at Columbia University’s Teachers College and author of the book The Other Side of Sadness “When a couple of months go by and a person is still grieving, they may start to worry, but that’s still early.”

Dr. Bonanno says that, speaking very generally, if after six months a person isn’t getting back into something that resembles their normal life — working, seeing friends, and other usual activities — then that may indicate the need to speak with a therapist or some other grief expert. “But some people take longer than others,” he adds. “If as time passes you’re able to do some elements of normal functioning, you’re probably going to get better.”

This targeted psychotherapy is personalized to the individual and what they are going through, but it also includes some standardized elements, Shear says. “It consists of weekly sessions with therapists and a set of activities to do at home,” she says. “It includes work on accepting grief, managing emotions, envisioning a positive future, strengthening relationships, narrating the story of the death, living with reminders, and connecting with memories.”

Bonanno mentions Shears’s work, and says a key component of her therapy — and many other forms of treatment for people seeking help with grief — involves talking through the experience of grief and the events or loss that caused it.

When you’re struggling to understand and accept a loss, you often only think about it in fragments, he says. This fragmented thinking can lead to “some really dysfunctional ideas,” he says.

Talking through things with a professional can help to reveal the flaws in these ideas. “When people talk through things and put together the whole story, that can be really helpful,” he adds.

Learn More About How to Cope With Grief