Why Sex Helps Boost Mood and Relieve Stress
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Feeling a little down in the dumps lately, or stressed out? The solution may be in the bedroom.
Having sex — or even just intimate contact with a partner — can boost your mood and help relieve stress, experts say. And you can reap these benefits even without having an orgasm.
An orgasm alone is enough to flood the brain with oxygen and feel-good chemicals like oxytocin, known as the “love hormone,” and dopamine, a feel-good neurotransmitter that’s also involved in pain relief, says Rebecca Coopersmith, LCSW, a staff therapist and certified sexuality educator at The Family Institute at Northwestern University in Chicago.
But while sex ideally involves “a meaningful experience of pleasure,” it doesn’t always lead to orgasm, says Rachel Wright, a licensed marriage and family therapist in New York City. And fortunately, a romp-related mood-boost doesn’t require having one.
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Jane Fleishman, PhD, a certified sexuality educator in Northampton, Massachusetts, says just getting to the arousal stage can be beneficial. “For people for whom an orgasm may not be available to them all the time, that arousal stage might actually increase a bit of not only dopamine, but also oxytocin and other hormones,” she explains.
Simply spending quality time with a partner — especially if you’re cuddling — can prompt some of those happy chemicals to come out of hiding too, Coopersmith says.
In a Swedish study published in 2023, scientists found that when men stroked their female partners’ arms, the women’s oxytocin levels increased, then fell, then increased again when a nonthreatening male stranger did the arm-stroking. The women didn’t experience the same reaction when touched by a stranger first instead, indicating that context matters.
In another study, researchers asked 58 middle-aged women to record their moods and romantic lives for 36 weeks, and found that sexual behavior or physical affection on one day predicted better mood and less stress on the next. And the effects could snowball: A better mood one day then tended to lead to more romance the next. Also noteworthy: the presence of a partner was important — a solo orgasm (through masturbation) didn’t have the same effects.
“Our sex lives affect our mental health, and our mental health affects our sex lives,” Wright says. “The key is finding that point of homeostasis.”
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Sex Is a Natural Stress-Buster
Sex doesn’t just have the potential to take a good mood to great, but, in some ways, it can act as a stress-buster that takes a bad mood to better. This is, of course, provided that you are having healthy sex, meaning your interactions are safe, positive, and consensual.
Wright describes the stress-busing, mood-boosting effects of sex like this: “When we have too much cortisol, which is our stress hormone, it goes around like Pac-Man and eats up our mood-regulating serotonin,” she says. “So when we’re doing things research shows are stress-reducing, we’re naturally lowering cortisol levels and fighting against Pac-Man.”
The way sex can improve sleep can be a mood-booster, too, Coopersmith points out. In one recent study, mental health professionals tracked 256 people’s sex diaries over two weeks. They found that partnered sex with orgasm — but not non-orgasmic romance or masturbation — was linked with falling asleep faster and sleeping better, and may also help improve “overall well-being.” These effects held for both men and women.
Sex that is particularly “vigorous” may be especially beneficial for relieving stress, Coopersmith says, since exercise is a well-known way to break out of the stress cycle.
However, people dealing with stress, low mood, or anxiety shouldn’t rely solely on sex — or any one tool — for relief.
“To me it’s a slippery slope,” Coopersmith says. If someone’s having sex outside of its three main functions as defined by sex therapist Ian Kerner, PhD — procreative, relational, or recreational — “I can see problems developing.”
When Sex Doesn’t Boost Mood
For all its perks, sex isn’t a panacea for all mental health ills. “For someone who has depression, they may not want a whole lot of sex, and it’s not like just having sex can bring them out of depression,” Coopersmith says. “It’s a lot more complicated than that.”
People in that situation should seek professional help — not try to fake it ’til they make it in the bedroom. “Don’t wait to get help. Don’t wait to go to therapy. The longer you wait, the more depression can take a foothold,” Coopersmith says.
Mood disorders aren’t the only potential reason someone may not get a lift from sex. Trauma can be a factor, too. Even gentle, consensual touch with a loving partner can be really challenging for someone dealing with certain post-traumatic reactions.
There are also medical issues that can make some forms of intimacy uncomfortable, like a lack of natural lubrication, or even painful, like endometriosis, per Mayo Clinic.
Aging can also increase the likelihood of certain conditions that interfere with sex. For instance, researchers and providers estimate that erectile dysfunction affects more than 50 percent of men between ages 40 and 70, though treatments are available, the Cleveland Clinic says. Meanwhile, the hormonal changes that come with menopause can lower desire and comfort during sex, according to Johns Hopkins Medicine, but over-the-counter products, medications, and trying new ways of connecting can help.
Clinicians, including ob-gyns, urologists, and pelvic floor physical therapists, can help diagnose and treat conditions that might be getting in the way of a fulfilling sex life.
“It’s important to go to someone who understands sexual medicine,” Dr. Fleishman says. “There are also incredibly well-trained sex therapists who will help you decipher what’s the dynamic between you or among you, and then what are some of the medical issues that they may need to refer out.”
But Fleishman cautions against medicalizing a dull sex drive too quickly. In her work with older people, she helps them understand the difference between spontaneous desire and responsive desire — and find ways to spark the latter when the former has waned.
“There are various sensual and sexual stimuli that often need to be addressed before that feeling of arousal occurs,” she says. “Think about what gets you excited. Is it a piece of music? Is it an aroma? Is it a touch? Is it a food item? Think about what works for you.”
And just because something worked for you before, doesn’t mean it will work for you now. Continuing to experiment throughout life can keep your sex life alive and your mood up. “We need to be cognizant of changes in our bodies so that we can continually do what the brain wants, and the brain loves something novel,” Fleishman says.
And if sex has never felt enjoyable to you, Wright says looking into asexuality might provide some answers. This under-discussed sexual orientation describes people who don’t experience sexual attraction, per the Asexual Visibility and Education Network.
“If we generalize and say sex is great for you, then someone who’s asexual is going to feel really confused and left out,” Wright says. “It takes time and experimentation to figure it out.”
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